U.S. Space Force Literally Found 30 Kilos of Cocaine With a Sea Turtle
I kid you not, this might be the greatest story of the year, if not my lifetime
You know I was looking for some other stories, I had a whole, big draft that was already written up, but then this piece of sanctified potential click-bait popped up and now it is all I’m literally going to think about for days.
From Reason Magazine:
The new U.S. Space Force apparently believes that only it should have the right to get really, really high.
Back in May, a group of defenders—that's what members of the Space Force are called—with the Space Launch Delta 45 based at Patrick Space Force Base in Florida came across 30 kilograms of cocaine while conducting a nesting survey of sea turtles, according to Insider, which first reported the news earlier today.
Angy Chambers, a wildlife manager with the delta's 45th Civil Engineer Squadron, said she spotted a tightly wrapped plastic package while patrolling the beach during the survey.
"I immediately contacted the 45th Security Forces Squadron [SFS]," Chambers recounted in a Space Force press release. "While I was waiting for them to arrive, I drove a little further and noticed another package, and then another. At that point, I called SFS back and suggested they bring their UTV, or Utility Terrain Vehicle, as I counted at least 18 packages."
I love this story and everything about it so much.
The Space Force defenders suspected the packages concealed drugs. Deputies with the Brevard County Sheriff's Office were called to the scene, where they performed a field test that confirmed the packages contained cocaine.
In the end, 24 cocaine parcels were found on the beach. The sheriff's office estimates that they're worth $1.2 million, although police valuations of the drugs seized are often absurdly overstated.
The drugs themselves were handed over to the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, another relatively new security service of dubious utility. The Space Force press release says that the origins of the cocaine are still under investigation, although it appears to be terrestrial.
Well, friends, if you didn’t know this was what you needed more of in your life, now you do.
Photo by Shot by Cerqueira on Unsplash
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